Showing posts with label SWC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label SWC. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Positive Thoughts
Our friend Mitchell is in Arizona visiting his family. Please send positive thoughts and good wishes for his mom's quick and complete recovery.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
The Right To Bear Arms-- Against The Undead!
It is time. The battle lines have been drawn, and new information has come to light. As we draw nearer to All Hallows' Eve, we must choose the leader of the Counter Zombie Insurgency, because River and his people have exposed their Pro-Zombie agenda. We must be ready to fight. Furthermore, we have to outdo them.
To that end, we are hosting a contest to elect that leader. In order to determine who has the best plan, we'll need our faithful readers to come together to demonstrate their capabilities to lead us to salvation. We've amassed a catalog of items and have an allowance of $1,000 for each candidate. Whoever can best use their allowance and most creatively hatch a plan to ensure the safety of the human race will win.
Points will be awarded for use of visual aids and photographs. While we've provided a list of supplies, finding base camp and shelter is entirely up to you. You may acquire your base through either legal or illegal means. Those means may be called into judgment for better or worse, but don't let it get in the way of your plan. Just post it in the comments section, and we'll do the rest.
Supplies
Shotgun--$200
Handgun--$100
Flame thrower--$100
Generator--$100
Fully stocked First Aid kit--$20
PowerWheelz Barbie Jeep--$45
Box of ammo--$10
Sixteen inch novelty bow tie--$15
The Nuge--$62.99
Sarah Palin blow up doll--$25
20 LB Propane tank--$40
Hunting knife--$50
Cardboard cutout of Henry Winkler as the Fonz--$15
MagLite with charger--$20
Al Qaeda brand box cutter--$5
100 ft. nylon rope--$10
Duct tape--$2
Food
5 gallon jug of water--$5
Brick of government cheese--$2
Pop Rocks--$0.50/pack
Canned foods of all kinds--$0.50 ea
Cheetos--$2
Case of Natural Ice--$7
Al Qaeda con queso in a can--$0.75
Organic soy cheese--Free
750ml Skol vodka--$5
All contestants will earn a featured spot in the hallowed pages of Shoulda Woulda Coulda, but only one entrant will win the coveted first prize: for Illinois winners, a viewing of the film Quarantine with Nora; for Kansas winners, a viewing of the film with Mitchell, and for those who aren't lucky enough to live near SWC principals, we will hook you up with two tickets in your own city. But we won't buy the popcorn and Jujubees.
To that end, we are hosting a contest to elect that leader. In order to determine who has the best plan, we'll need our faithful readers to come together to demonstrate their capabilities to lead us to salvation. We've amassed a catalog of items and have an allowance of $1,000 for each candidate. Whoever can best use their allowance and most creatively hatch a plan to ensure the safety of the human race will win.
Points will be awarded for use of visual aids and photographs. While we've provided a list of supplies, finding base camp and shelter is entirely up to you. You may acquire your base through either legal or illegal means. Those means may be called into judgment for better or worse, but don't let it get in the way of your plan. Just post it in the comments section, and we'll do the rest.
Supplies
Shotgun--$200
Handgun--$100
Flame thrower--$100
Generator--$100
Fully stocked First Aid kit--$20
PowerWheelz Barbie Jeep--$45
Box of ammo--$10
Sixteen inch novelty bow tie--$15
The Nuge--$62.99
Sarah Palin blow up doll--$25
20 LB Propane tank--$40
Hunting knife--$50
Cardboard cutout of Henry Winkler as the Fonz--$15
MagLite with charger--$20
Al Qaeda brand box cutter--$5
100 ft. nylon rope--$10
Duct tape--$2
Food
5 gallon jug of water--$5
Brick of government cheese--$2
Pop Rocks--$0.50/pack
Canned foods of all kinds--$0.50 ea
Cheetos--$2
Case of Natural Ice--$7
Al Qaeda con queso in a can--$0.75
Organic soy cheese--Free
750ml Skol vodka--$5
All contestants will earn a featured spot in the hallowed pages of Shoulda Woulda Coulda, but only one entrant will win the coveted first prize: for Illinois winners, a viewing of the film Quarantine with Nora; for Kansas winners, a viewing of the film with Mitchell, and for those who aren't lucky enough to live near SWC principals, we will hook you up with two tickets in your own city. But we won't buy the popcorn and Jujubees.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
No Zombie Love, Indeed
Sorry, River. We here at SWC are serious about our anti-zombie sentiments. While I respect your desire to be contrary, we can't let you and your ilk pose a threat to the human race, especially so close to Halloween when the undead are at their wiliest. We hereby challenge you and your Pro-Zombie followers to a duel.
Stay tuned for details!
Stay tuned for details!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
How Far Have We Really Come?
Ratherto, when it comes to The Sky Is Falling situations, you always bring it back to the obvious threat: zombies. Well, we at SWC haven't come very far in our strategy since The Nuge so rudely dismissed our first attempt to solve the crisis.
We have a lot of work to do, people. Stay strong and get busy. The Sky Is Falling.
PS: Bawk bawk.
We have a lot of work to do, people. Stay strong and get busy. The Sky Is Falling.
PS: Bawk bawk.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Hey, You Are the Boss of Me!
Readers, you were all so helpful with the whole Incredible Barking Dog Sextet issue that we've actually started getting letters from other people hoping you would weigh in with your infinite wisdom. Instead of dealing with unruly dogs and inconsiderate neighbors, today we're fielding a question from a lovelorn modern man. Read, respond and discuss:
Dear Shoulda Woulda Coulda,
Love...everybody wants to find it. Some think they do, but it turns out not to be true. Some run from it only to have it smack them in the face one day. Still others tend to want it so bad even after being hurt time and time again.
I am a member of that third party. My whole life all I wanted was someone who loved me. Now, I wasn't an orphan or abused as a child, it just seems that I've always been looking for that certain woman who would make me feel complete. About six months ago I thought I had found her.
I'm not going to be a dick and name names, but I am going to make it specific enough that if she ever reads this she will know it's about her. For now let's call her Becky. Becky and I met through a mutual friend. I was attracted to her immediately. Like always, I assumed she would want nothing to do with me, but throughout the night we talked, drank and played music on the jukebox. It was a pretty good night.
Long story short, we ended up at my place. Most would write this off as a one night stand, but I'm not like that and I felt different with her. The next day I called her, and she was excited to hear from me, because she was assumed that I just wanted to bang her and move on. She said she felt the same way about me, too and we started dating.
For the first month and a half things went as expected. We both worked and saw each other on the weekends, taking it very slow. I knew I was in love after that first night, but I kept it to myself. She had just gotten out of a long-term relationship, and I didn't want to scare her off.
We would spend evenings sitting on her porch swing smoking, holding each other and talking about our lives and what we both wanted from them. We got to the point where we would say, "I'm abnormally fond of you" instead of "I love you". That way we didn't have to commit to anything.
After another month we started getting more serious. We introduced each other to our respective families. My family loved her, her family loved me so things were great. We talked about our future together, moving in together, having a baby, all the things that a committed couple talks about.
Fast forward a month: she dropped a bombshell on me. She wanted to see other people. I asked her if she had anyone in mind. She said no, that commitment freaks her out. I relented, because she is the first girl I've truly ever loved. I mean loved. I would have done anything for her. I would have died for her.
Then things got weird. She started blowing me off on the weekends; not every weekend, maybe once a month. I asked her why she was pushing me away. She said she wasn't. She had a former colleague over to her house one time during the week and wouldn't let me come over to meet him. She started telling me that she was worried about him because he was involved in hard drugs. I told her that she should be supportive, but keep him at arm's length. She agreed and that was the last I heard of it.
Valentine's Day came and went without incident. We were together and had a good time. She bought a really thoughtful gift and I thought all was right in the world. Little did I know things were about to change drastically.
When we got into March, things started getting real bad. She would make plans with other people and not invite me. She would only have me over during the week, telling me that she was really busy on the weekends now. That's about the time that I started getting really suspicious. I know some of you are saying,"Really? Just now?" My only defense is that not only is love blind, but it's blinding, too. I started putting things together and doing some serious checking on things--my Dad is a cop, investigation is in my nature. That's when everything fell into place. She was seeing her "friend" with the drug problem. Oh, yeah. Did I mention he's married, too?
This is where my already low self esteem hit rock bottom. She would rather be with a married junkie than me? I'm far from perfect (although I do have a sweet ass), but come on! So, I went to her and told her that I couldn't do it anymore. If we were going to be together, it had to be just us. She told me she couldn't, that she loved both of us. There was no way I was going to be involved in that. In conclusion, I broke up with her and tried to sever all contact.
Which brings me to my problem. She wants us to be friends now. My brain is screaming, "NO, DON'T DO IT." But my heart wants to so bad it hurts. So this is the question I pose to all of you. What do I do? I'm sure I've left out a lot of info, but this is the watered down gist of it. So I throw myself on the mercy of the blog. Please give me some advice.
Signed,
Not In The Market For Sloppy Seconds
PS - Don't feel the need to be serious. I could use the laugh.
Dear Shoulda Woulda Coulda,
Love...everybody wants to find it. Some think they do, but it turns out not to be true. Some run from it only to have it smack them in the face one day. Still others tend to want it so bad even after being hurt time and time again.
I am a member of that third party. My whole life all I wanted was someone who loved me. Now, I wasn't an orphan or abused as a child, it just seems that I've always been looking for that certain woman who would make me feel complete. About six months ago I thought I had found her.
I'm not going to be a dick and name names, but I am going to make it specific enough that if she ever reads this she will know it's about her. For now let's call her Becky. Becky and I met through a mutual friend. I was attracted to her immediately. Like always, I assumed she would want nothing to do with me, but throughout the night we talked, drank and played music on the jukebox. It was a pretty good night.
Long story short, we ended up at my place. Most would write this off as a one night stand, but I'm not like that and I felt different with her. The next day I called her, and she was excited to hear from me, because she was assumed that I just wanted to bang her and move on. She said she felt the same way about me, too and we started dating.
For the first month and a half things went as expected. We both worked and saw each other on the weekends, taking it very slow. I knew I was in love after that first night, but I kept it to myself. She had just gotten out of a long-term relationship, and I didn't want to scare her off.
We would spend evenings sitting on her porch swing smoking, holding each other and talking about our lives and what we both wanted from them. We got to the point where we would say, "I'm abnormally fond of you" instead of "I love you". That way we didn't have to commit to anything.
After another month we started getting more serious. We introduced each other to our respective families. My family loved her, her family loved me so things were great. We talked about our future together, moving in together, having a baby, all the things that a committed couple talks about.
Fast forward a month: she dropped a bombshell on me. She wanted to see other people. I asked her if she had anyone in mind. She said no, that commitment freaks her out. I relented, because she is the first girl I've truly ever loved. I mean loved. I would have done anything for her. I would have died for her.
Then things got weird. She started blowing me off on the weekends; not every weekend, maybe once a month. I asked her why she was pushing me away. She said she wasn't. She had a former colleague over to her house one time during the week and wouldn't let me come over to meet him. She started telling me that she was worried about him because he was involved in hard drugs. I told her that she should be supportive, but keep him at arm's length. She agreed and that was the last I heard of it.
Valentine's Day came and went without incident. We were together and had a good time. She bought a really thoughtful gift and I thought all was right in the world. Little did I know things were about to change drastically.
When we got into March, things started getting real bad. She would make plans with other people and not invite me. She would only have me over during the week, telling me that she was really busy on the weekends now. That's about the time that I started getting really suspicious. I know some of you are saying,"Really? Just now?" My only defense is that not only is love blind, but it's blinding, too. I started putting things together and doing some serious checking on things--my Dad is a cop, investigation is in my nature. That's when everything fell into place. She was seeing her "friend" with the drug problem. Oh, yeah. Did I mention he's married, too?
This is where my already low self esteem hit rock bottom. She would rather be with a married junkie than me? I'm far from perfect (although I do have a sweet ass), but come on! So, I went to her and told her that I couldn't do it anymore. If we were going to be together, it had to be just us. She told me she couldn't, that she loved both of us. There was no way I was going to be involved in that. In conclusion, I broke up with her and tried to sever all contact.
Which brings me to my problem. She wants us to be friends now. My brain is screaming, "NO, DON'T DO IT." But my heart wants to so bad it hurts. So this is the question I pose to all of you. What do I do? I'm sure I've left out a lot of info, but this is the watered down gist of it. So I throw myself on the mercy of the blog. Please give me some advice.
Signed,
Not In The Market For Sloppy Seconds
PS - Don't feel the need to be serious. I could use the laugh.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
