Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Fatties Ruining the World!

As I typically do, I just caught this story yesterday, even though it came out Friday.

In jest, obesity is indirectly the cause of everything wrong with the world. Try this on for size:

"They are also responsible for using more fuel, which has an environmental impact and drives up food prices as transport and agriculture both use oil.

The result is that the poor struggle to afford food and greenhouse gas emissions rise, the Lancet reported."
What the article fails to mention is that they are also responsible for the majority of the human methane emissions, which can't be good for the environment.

Here are a few other things:

-They put more strain on the sidewalks in the rare event that they walk. That's gotta speed up the need to repair them, thus costing tax payers more money.

-Here's one Nora will like: By existing on Earth, they ultimately increase the gravitational pull, making the likelihood of an asteroid being pulled this way greater.

-They told Bush that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction.

-For every Little Debbie snack cake sold, a baby seal is clubbed. Did you know that? Who keeps Little Debbie in business? You guessed it, the obese.

-One out of every five Americans will be in a shopping cart on electric cart accident this year. Many of those will result in the cracking of eggs or any other fragile perishables which might be contained in the aforementioned cart. Who will be driving the cart? An obese person.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg (which they are responsible for melting). The obese are more responsible for the decay of the world than oil companies, giant multi-nationals, corrupt governments and genocidal maniacs combined. They must be stopped.

I'm buying stock in Alli.

2 comments:

Nora said...

Wow. Bunk science at its very best. That's what we get for reading BBC News. Well, I'm off to build my asteroid shelter!

theeriver said...

As a member of the S.O.F.A. or Society of Fat Asses. You are truly on to our evil plot, to devour the planet. Little Debbie is the way we spread our messages to each other. I said too much already. All hail the S.O.F.A!