Sunday, April 13, 2008

Intuitive Review: Lost Boys: The Tribe

Imagine my surprise earlier today when I heard news of a sequel to Lost Boys. There I was looking for an upcoming movie to review to no avail. Just as I was contemplating a porn break; BAM! There it was in all it's Corey glory. I don't remember much of the original because I was around four when it came out, but I recall that it totally rocked.

Rock it did, Mitchell. That movie figured hugely into my formative years. The Coreys were icons, like the Olson twins but with better hair. And the sight of Jason Patric hallucinating maggots in his Chinese food has stuck with me for over twenty years. Although I never really got into the whole vampire thing, I have to say Kiefer Sutherland made it look pretty cool. But I have serious reservations about Lost Boys: The Tribe. Blech. Based on the name alone, I say, No thanks. Hey, Mitchell, any clue which studio produced this little cinematic gem?

I really don't know, but I have high hopes. Seriously, name me one sequel to a movie that's sucked. I think this one's going to be as badass, if not more, than the original. In fact, I'm going to watch the original right now and enjoy the awesomeness.

You do that, homeboy. I'll get into the 80s spirit, too, and review Sixteen Candles. See you in about 93 minutes.

...

Yeah, I just watched Lost Boys. I'm not so sure about this whole sequel thing anymore. I don't know what distorted memory I had, but I sincerely remembered it being a hundred times better. This is just like the time I rented The Never Ending Story. Not that I ... shut up.

You really can't go back again, can you? Now, I have fond memories of the original, and am happy to sit through some of it if I happen upon it on cable, but all the same: hardly a foundation for a franchise. It's kind of like recycling toilet paper. Now that you've come around, can we tear the concept to shreds? I'll start: they hardly even bother to put a spin on the old plot. Your turn!

Corey Feldman. Your turn!




Touche. Well, how about Corey Haim comin' atcha? Have you seen his waxed eyebrows? Anyway, I did a little research while you were watching the original. The production company is called Hollywood Media Bridge. They're responsible for carrying on the Anaconda tradition, as in the soon-to-be released to video, parts three and four. What is going on in that town?

I just sincerely doubt they can capture what the first one had. I predict it will just taint any attachment people have to the first one and ultimately rob them of what they at least remembered to be a good movie. I'm going two thumbs down.

I'm going to sit this one out, myself. I'd much rather watch well-built, scantily clad men writhe passionately upon each other during UFC marathons on cable. But good luck to the Coreys. This could be their comeback vehicle.

Look, Hollywood, here's the deal: there are a lot of movies from the 80s that had something about them. There are movies like that in every decade. I think the best thing to do is leave them alone, rather than drag them through the shit to try and profit on them again. What's next? Goonies 2?

As long as they don't touch Sixteen Candles ...

23 comments:

Ratherto said...

Caddyshack II was an excellent sequel. I'm still surprised we didn't see and Academy Award nominations from this star-filled tour-de-force. Chevy Chase is completely into his bit role in this movie. You can tell he honestly cares and is not in it for just a paycheck. I still can't believe Bill Murray didn't come back for the sequel. Although Dan Ackroyd does a phenomenal job as the gopher hunter/assassin. His acting may be hard for some to handle though. He brings his usual subtle acting style to a movie that could be filled with serious over-acting. Jackie Mason as the lead is completely believable. He and Dyan Cannon have a chemistry on screen that is amazing. Randy Quaid brings his A game to this movie. Not since his role in Independence Day has he portrayed such a likable character. Lastly, we cannot forget Robert Stack. His portrayal as the antagonist is just wonderful. Wait a minute.....now that I think about it...I got this review mixed up with No Country for Old Men. Caddyshack II blows goats.

Later

-R

Nora said...

I've always said the only sequel worth a damn is Godfather II. But after your review of Caddyshack II, I might have to amend that statement.

Mitchell said...

"I've always said the only sequel worth a damn is Godfather II."

What about Gremlins 2: The New Batch?!?!?

theeriver said...

Godfather 2 rocked, but another quality sequel which I liked better then the first one was Aliens (effectively alien 2). Come on Bill Paxton screaming "Game over, man"...CLASSIC!

Other sequels that rocked Empire Strikes Back, and Army of Darkness starring my personal hero Bruce Campbell.

Ratherto said...

Nothing is absolute, but Riv is correct. There are a few times when a sequel outshines the original. Godfather II, Evil Dead II, Army of Darkness, Empire Strikes Back, Gremlins II: The New Batch, and Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Jude said...

If you want good sequels, first watch Attack of the Killer Tomatoes,then you have to see Return of the Attack of the Killer Tomatoes...both classics,and Goerge Clooney is in the sequel..movie magic!!And while you're at it look up a little gem called "Stuff"...not really Oscar worthy,but these are real entertainment

Nora said...

Oh, Stuff! God, Mom, you just brought back a flood of memories.

Stuff is a classic. Get a hold of it now.

Ratherto said...

Is Stuff the one about the killer yogurt?

Jude said...

Ratherto, I think "Stuff" could have been a cross between yogurt,and Marshmallow Fluff.not sure tho, the credits didn't mention guest food appearances. Your guess is as good as mine

Nora said...

Sort of--the Stuff was discovered when some dude saw white shit oozing from the ground. Naturally, he tasted it and it was delicious! White gold! Arctic tea!

Then they started marketing the Stuff, and it was a taste sensation. People went crazy for it ... and began to lose their minds. Fortunately, a few skeptical people kept the Stuff from turning the whole population into zombies.

That's right, Ratherto, I said zombies.

Ratherto said...

AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH! Zombies!.....Where's my gun?

Nora said...

In the arsenal with Ted Nugent. Don't worry, it's gonna be okay.

Mitchell said...

If zombies come, I'm shacking up with Michael Gross and Reba McEntire from Tremors.

Nora said...

I'm gonna take my chances with the Motor City Madman.

theeriver said...

Ted, he wangos, and he tangos. so many talents

Ratherto said...

It's funny you should mention that, my zombie plan involves Ted Nugent

Nora said...

I make all my plans with the Nuge in mind. i even wear a bracelet that says:

WWTND?

What Would The Nuge Do?

Jude said...

NORA!!!!!!! Did you really give up the bracelet that had WWJD on it??

Nora said...

No, mommy. First I ask the right arm WWJD (What Would Jude Do?), then I consult the left arm. Then I do whatever I want.

Luke Baggins said...

I liked the 2nd and 3rd Die Hards nearly as much or maybe even more than the first. I still haven't seen the latest since Netflix reprogrammed me to crave TV shows like The Wire, Firefly, etc.

The thing about Aliens is it's not really a sequal. And yeah, I agree it's way better than the first. It's James Cameron, the man behind my childhood role-model The Terminator. The first one was not Cameron. And that makes all the difference. The Third one was also not Cameron. That series has titles in common, but it's really a bunch of completely different movies.

I too spent a chunk of the 80's watching the Lost Boys several times. My favorite 80's vampire flick though is Lifeforce.

Luke Baggins said...

Oh, and if you're looking for movies to review, the best place for less conventional inspiration is Joe Bob Briggs' old reviews like This one

Nora said...

Hey, Luke. Thanks for weighing in. You've got all kinds of obscurity there, don'tcha? I'll have to check out those links.

Ratherto said...

Lifeforce is awesome. It's almost like a vampire / zombie movie.