Monday, April 14, 2008

Checkin' the scores


Sand all over an ugly girl is just a dirty ugly girl.
Sand all over Marissa Miller is candy sprinkles.
-My Boss

32 comments:

Emilio said...

Hubba Hubba

Nora said...

Never before has the hackneyed phrase "Workin' hard or hardly workin'" taken on so many dimensions of meaning.

Ratherto said...

It's all fun-n-games now, but she's gonna be sorry when she gets sand in her vagina. Nobody wants sand in their vagina.

Nora said...

Damn skippy, Ratherto. But that's why she's making the big bucks.

theeriver said...

Isn't that how pearls get made. When sand gets in a clam?

Ratherto said...

Ba Dum Bum Ching!

Mitchell said...

Nice one, River.

That picture right there is also how pearls are earned.

I'm a little suspicious that she might have her whatnots covered in one way or another to prevent the aforementioned sand-vagina intrusion.

Ratherto said...

One can only hope...Have you ever had to deal with a woman with sand in her vagina? I'd rather smash my thumb with a hammer

theeriver said...

Actually I have never had to deal with a girl with sand in her vagina? Now you got me all kinds of curious. Wha happens?

Mitchell said...

They get all grouchy and they won't let you touch their no-no parts, Riv.

Nora said...

That's right. It's the perfect excuse.

"Not now, honey. I have sand in my vag."

Can't argue with logic like that, can you?

Ratherto said...

With some girls it goes beyond grouchy. They get downright evil.

Nora said...

Is sand code for something? Or are we talking about real sand?

Ratherto said...

I'm actually talking about real sand.

Cody said...

Ok the comments (except for Emilio's) are not dealing with the actual meaning of the quote. The quote is supposed to make you ask yourself this question:

"Would I be more willing to deal with Marissa Miller when she has sand in her no-no's than I would be a less attractive girl?"

Nora said...

Good question, Cody.

I think the answer is, and correct me if I'm wrong, that you fellas would be willing to deal with Marissa even if she had venomous snakes in her no-nos.

Cody said...

Nora,

Not sure what your sexual preference is... Makes no difference. But I have a theory that if you look at that picture long enough you will have to admit that the venomous snakes comment would apply to you as well.

Nora said...

Cody,

First of all, does that mean you're saying I'm right?

Second of all, you're right.

Cody said...

Nora,

Yes you are right and I knew I was right but thank you.

Cody.

I no shit gotta get back to work but this has been fun.

Go look at the picture again, read the quote and then look at the picture again.

Nora are you on twitter?

Nora said...

Cody,

Doesn't it feel great to be right?

And no. I'm not on twitter. I went to rehab.

(Mitchell, what's twitter?)

Ratherto said...

She is a beautiful woman, however I like a woman who's been around the block a couple of times. She seems too fragile. A little too skinny and little too pretty. Does anybody understand what I'm talking about or am I digging myself a hole?

Anyway, a woman like that is m=not my type...so...I can emphatically say no. I would not be more willing to deal with her having sand in her vagina.

Nora said...

Jesus, Ratherto! You and the sand in the vag. What, were you an extra on the Baywatch set? I've spent a LOT of time on beaches. I can tell you from personal experience the removal of vag-sand is pretty easy.

First step: go swimming.

Second step: take a shower.

Or is sand-packing some kind of fetish I've never heard about?

theeriver said...

Vag-sand....another reason I wake up in the morning, grab my penis, and say thank you god.

Ratherto said...

This time I was speaking figuratively. I meant that I wouldn't be willing to put up with crap from her.

Nora said...

Yeah. Being too thin and beautiful is really gross. It's like the time Clooney was like, "Hey, Nora. I want to make you my wife." And I was all, "Icky. You're so interesting and gorgeous. Buzz off, Jorge."

What actually happened was, he took one look at me and said, "Please tell me you're not my new personal assistant." Then he got on his Crackberry and started yelling at his agent.

I cried salty tears.

Mitchell said...

Look, I'm going to be real with all of you about this.

Marissa Miller could have salt in her vag, and I don't think I'd care.

Ratherto said...

I'm serious, too skinny! I like my ladies with a honky tonk badon-ka-donk! Call you tell I've been drinking?

Nora said...

This thread is the funniest.

theeriver said...

Mitchell said, "Marissa Miller could have salt in her vag, and I don't think I'd care."


I'm with you there...the only reason I wouldn't sleep with her. Vagina Dentata.

Yeah if she had teeth in her vagina, that might be wierd.

Nora said...

Wait, River. I ask you to consider this: would you allow the lady in question to perform fellatio? I'm sure any chick with vagina dentata could manage to not scrape as well as any knob-polisher. Adaptation, right?

I still say any and all of you dudes would learn to live with such an affliction. Although it does make vag-sand seem a little less daunting ...

theeriver said...

Nope that's a deal breaker, I have a few steadfast ones.

Teeth in the vagina, Eyes where a nipple should be on the breast, Two heads, Lobster Claws, and a penis.

The girl I date shouldn't have a penis.

Nora said...

Fair enough, Riv. Fair enough.