Hey, happy Mothers Day, Nora. I hope you had a good one. I did the usual phone call to mom. That was nice. Did little Kenny spring for a card for you or anything?
Yes, in fact, he did. It was mighty cute, I reckon. I had a lovely Mothers Day. We went to my parents' house to bring Jude cards and champagne for mimosas. My sister and her family were there, too, and we hung out and watched the babies play; it was fun.
In honor of the holiday, and since I have a real mother right here, why don't you tell us a little bit on what Mothers Day is about?
Well, first of all, mimosas are key. Cheap champagne and orange juice are essential to start working off that hangover. The only way to handle a screeching toddler is to keep that buzz moving along at a brisk pace.
Why is he screeching?
Jealousy, I presume. I mean, ew! Milk? Apple juice? That's for babies. I can tell by the way he eyes up my glass that he's mama's boy after all.
So you think he's just looking to get some of your booze?
Some more, you mean. Hey, how else am I going to positively reinforce good behavior? And nothing brings mommy and baby together like a stiff aperitif. He has a pretty sophisticated palate for a one year-old.
You ... actually give him booze?
Sure. What, that's not good? I stopped drinking while I was pregnant because I didn't want it to impact his development, but now that he's out and about, it's time to let the good times roll. Besides, it wouldn't look right, him smoking with his daddy and papas without a nice cocktail. I'm telling you, Mitchell, they grow up so fast.
That horrible, Nora. I mean, my parents didn't let me start drinking until I was five or six. Anything before then will just stunt your growth, you know.
Well, better my son be short and cool than tall and dull, my friend. How else is he supposed to unwind after a long day of Suzuki violin lessons, fencing class and jujitsu?
Well, I guess maybe if he can do all that, he's old enough to drink. I guess you know what's best.
Thanks, Mitchell. Trust me, I have my child's best interests in mind. He's really advanced for his age, you know. And he's not a bad driver, either.
6 comments:
Mothers Day was very nice,but we have to watch the babies a little closer,they keep bogarting the Champagne...I don't drink their apple juice,they should keep their sticky lttle mitts off our treats!I don't mind sharing a little,but there has to be a limit.
Iconcur, Jude. We've got to work on their manners. What, a six pack of Miller Lite suddenly isn't enough for the little booze hounds?
Well happy belated Mother's Day to Nora, Jude, and any other Mother's out there.
My Mommy is in Vegas at some male strip joint getting lap dances from John the Wad, or something. But it's her day so wth.
Nora - remember only filtered cigarettes for toddlers, unfiltered is just too much for the little guys.
Yeah. He likes Newport box. I don't know who got him started on the menthols, but I sure would like to give them what for.
Maybe he just likes to visit flavor country
Post a Comment