Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Superfabulous Monday

I mentioned in our latest Weekly Recrap that my birthday celebrations are mostly about the three F's: family, friends and food. Well, I forgot a very important F: fabulosity. Monday evening, my dear friend, Slippy Olter, took me out for cocktails and dancing at Capone's in Mokena. On Monday nights, the martini bar and trattoria is transformed into a gay club. It's a sign of the times that the typically bass-ackwards southwest suburbs are coming around to the fact that the gay community isn't relegated to North Halsted anymore.

I've been to a few gay clubs, and I love them because I can let my guard down much more than I could in a so-called "straight" bar. I don't fear men, and I don't think all men are predatory creeps, but facts are facts. It's rare to hear of women slipping date rape drugs into men's drinks and taking advantage of them. It's rare to hear of women physically overpowering men and abusing them. In a gay club, especially where homophobic suburban men tend to avoid, I feel safe to enjoy the company of superfabulous men, superfabulous dance music and have a superfabulous time. Oh, and let's not forget this fringe benefit of hanging out at the gay bar: no waiting in line for the ladies room.

Upon arriving at Capone's, Slippy and I met her friend, He Who Shall Not Be Named, henceforth referred to as HeWho. HeWho and I sized each other up and instantly fell in love. I finally met my motormouthed, sassy male counterpart, and we shall never be apart. The three of us enjoyed a few cocktails, and although they didn't feel the need to dance on the empty dance floor, I did. I didn't care that I was the only one out there--it was my birthday (sort of). Soon enough, though, the Blue Motherfuckers (they were the drink special of the evening) started to work their magic and everyone was dancing. When the techno version of "Your Love" by the Outfield came on, all of the boys hit the floor. It was like the Love Parade 1995 all over again.

Slippy, HeWho and I danced our asses off, made tons of new friends, and Slippy and I even told our new boyfriends we'd incubate their babies for them. That's where three birthday shots of Patron got me and Slippy that night: new GGs to hag, and imaginary dates with turkey basters. (Hey, HeWho--I can't stop thinking about your joke about how lesbians artificially inseminate. You are too funny!)

If you live in the southwest 'burbs and you're looking for a superfabulous Monday night place to dance and meet fun people, I highly recommend Capone's. I had a blast, and it was a fitting ending to my four day 31st birthday weekend of excess.


Slippy said...

I am glad you had a great time Nora. And, if you recall, after a few drinks, I was dancing for the remainder of the night with my new "boyfriend" who I apparently offered my body as a baby cocoon.

Anonymous said...

3 things I try to avoid in life. The plague, Roaches that lay eggs in human hosts, and gay clubs.

Ya know though that gay guy you like so much, just might be straight. I use to know a guy who pretended to be gay, he got laid more often then any straight guy I knew because of the women trying to convert him. The greatest thing was when he got sick of the girl, he would just tell them he couldn't fight his homo urges. It was a great scam, wonder what ever happened to him.

Nora said...

You are absolutely right. I will amend that in the blog. I, too, offered my body as an incubator.

River, my gaydar isn't NASA quality, but I know when a guy would trample me to get to a fine looking man, and that's my HeWho. I'm his haggy, so step off. Although, that's not a bad shtick, if you want to be the biggest scam artist and jerk off on the planet.

Nora said...

PS: I like a challenge, River, but I would rather eat my own flesh for survival than try to "convert" a gay man or fall into a trap set a straight posing as a gay to get ass. I want a shopping partner who WILL tell me my ass looks big in those jeans, that THIS color lipstick is what I've been missing my entire life and who will escort me to musicals because my husband just isn't about to go and see Jersey Boys for the fourth time.

Anonymous said...

Wait gay men are allowed to tell women they look fat in something...that's bogus!!!

It's funny men love lesbians in a sexual context, especially hot ones. I speak personally I can't stand them otherwise, most men its the usually the same. Though I met some lesbians through my travels I never did like just hanging out with them.

Now women love gay men the opposite way, they like to just hang out and do fun stuff. But you ask most women would you like to see 2 men making love they go "eww no"

Slippy said...

I can assure you that the guys we were hanging out with that evening were truly gay and just looking to have a good time with no judgements about their orientation.

I, myself, being a notorious fag-hag, love going to the gay clubs for all the reasons that Nora has mentioned and the fact that no one is there to judge you or care. It is about letting down your barriers, dancing, conversation and laughing.

And, I do have a crowd of straight guys that often accompany our gay friends to the club and have just as good of a time. Our group made a strong commitment to supporting one of our best friends when he came out, because most guys lose all of their straight friends due to lack of understanding or wanting to understand.

And, River as for the idea of two guys having sex. It doesn't gross me out and believe me I have accidently stumbled in upon it once or twice. I am a firm believer in doing whatever makes you happy - so very little bothers me, but I am the exception to the rule, I suppose.

Anonymous said...

How comfortable are you girls around lesbians?

Are the barriers down then?

Slippy said...

Funny you should ask that River. Nora and I had that conversation on Monday evening. Lesbians don't bother me at all and I have a few that are friends.

I am comfortable enough with myself to actually be flattered when they try to hit on me. My sister and I are total lesbian magnets. I am a total flirt, so within certain boundaries, I will flirt with anyone. Really, I am probably the last person to comment on this, because I am in it for the good time and if you aren't hurting anyone and feel safe in a situation within your personal limits --I fully believe game on.

You either click with a person or not and that rarely depends on their orientation, because that is what makes them who they are. It is part of the package - gay, straight or whatever.

I respect everyone's opinions, but I have seen the downfall when people feel judged based on any characteristic and personally I don't get it. Everyone person has feelings and I go on the same tangent about race and looks, too. Whenever I meet someone new, I treat them the same way I would like to be treated until they have proved themselves otherwise.

Nora said...

For the most part, I get along great with lesbians. I mean, I don't know all of them, but the ones I have met for the most part were cool as hell. I'm not an authority on anything, least of all sexual orientation, but I tend to agree with Slippy in general on this topic.

River, I guess the thing is, I don't care about people's sexual orientation. All straight men and gay women don't want to have sex with me (I know--I was TOTALLY shocked when I realized that, but I got past it with some therapy and medication). I think the general rule applies across orientations: if someone transmits interest, and it isn't reciprocated, they move on. No harm, no foul.

I always get a kick out of men who fear gays won't be able to control themselves in their presence. Heh. That's funny. I think the more secure in yourself you are, the less terrified you are of people with other sexual orientations. I mean, what do you do when a straight person makes an advance you must reject? You tell them thanks, but no thanks. Magically, the same principle applies to gays, too.

Ratherto said...

Usually (not always), the most homophobic men are in fact themselves gay and can't deal with it. I have more respect for someone who can stand up and say, "This is who I am and fuck anybody who says otherwise!" than someone who feel the need to run someone else down based on who they sleep with, what color they are, or who they hang out with.

When HeWho came out to all of us, everyone just said,"Okay". Nobody disowned him, nobody stopped being his friend. It didn't change who he was to us and all in all, didn't really matter. It was just like, " Who's that? Oh it's HeWho. He is a good friend of mine, he just happens to like to fuck other dudes.

Because in the end (pun intended) it didn't change who he was..our friend.

Slippy said...

Ratherto. HeWho is not who you think it is, but the same principles apply. Just wanted to give you some clarification.

Anonymous said...

Well not all men who don't like to hang around gay men are homophobes. We just aren't into the same things that they do. Tell you the truth if I secretly took a poll of the men in your lives you would be shocked that half the things they do, they do it because it might lead to sex, or maybe a home cooked meal. Because we don't want sex from gay men, we don't have to put up with the whiny, fashion sensed bullcrap. We don't give a crap about what happened on todays soap opera.

Now of course I'm speaking in generalizations, and the few gays I do know were great, and funny people. Lesbians, and Gay men alike.

The reason I said I don't like to go to gay clubs, and avoid them is because there's only so much Gloria Gaynor, and Village People a straight man can stand. It's really not about the fact of what they like but how they lives. I don't get the gay subculture, or lifestyle. Just because you have a penis and like penis must you be flamboyant, and in my face about your gayness, of course generalizations I know.

Now if the gay club had real cheap booze, I'd fricking go find my cowboy hat, and my leather assless chaps toot sweet.

Slippy said...

Funny - I have never heard the Village People or Gloria Gaynor at a Gay Club, but often a straight club. :)

And, I completely get what your saying River. It isn't for everyone.

Mitchell said...

Never been to a gay club, though I'm sure it would be more fun than the one club we have here in Hutchinson. Same shit every time, and not worth the cover charge EVER.

I'd have to take a lady with me, though. I'm sure that's understandable.

Ratherto said...

Riv - I didn't mean that you are a homophobe ( I bet you'd look fabulous in assless chaps). I was very tired when I wrote the response and when I reread it this morning, it wasn't in the tone I'd intended. I know what you are saying because even though I'm cool with whatever any two consenting adults do, I still get a little uncomfortable when things get really gay. I don't know what that says about me, but it's just the way it is.

And don't anybody write back about me being secretly gay....I wouldn't have half the headaches I do now if I was. I envy the gay man for not having to put up with the crazy women I seem to attract (Friends excluded Slippy & Nora - You guys are completely normal - WOW - I actually typed that with a straight face.)

Anonymous said...

HAHA Rather, Sometimes I wonder how much money I would have, and how much time saved if I was gay.

Though I would probably still be going to chick flicks either way, whether to try to get laid, or because I actually liked them so there's the caveat on that.

Slippy said...

Oh Ratherto ~ I am so normal. It is the rest of the world that is slightly askew. Or maybe I am slightly askew and the rest of the world is normal. Either way I am still a good time.

Slippy said...

Oh Ratherto ~ I am so normal. It is the rest of the world that is slightly askew. Or maybe I am slightly askew and the rest of the world is normal. Either way I am still a good time.

Nora said...

*Note: This comment is from May 8, but I accidentally revealed a source! so I had to edit it.

Like Slippy said, it's about being in a place where you can totally be yourself, whatever your orientation, as long as you leave any kind of negativity at the door. I had so much fun, and HeWho actually disabused me of a few notions. I made a comment about how I think a certain celebrity is majorly closeted due to contractual obligations, and he reminded me to not be so sure that I know dick about anything, and to remember that I'm talking about a real person. Extrapolate that attitude towards life in general: you're allowed to think "ick" when it comes to homosexuality, but remember you're dealing with real people who essentially want the same things you do: love, friendship, understanding and acceptance. I think women like gay men because they aren't as hung up on macho attitudes as straight men are, and they definitely aren't hung up on wanting to have sex with us. So, we get to see a level of humanity we don't always get to see in the straight men in our lives.

I'm not saying anything to you about your feelings about the gay community, River. You can think whatever you like. I'm just saying that, jokes about fashion and musicals aside, gay men are more likely to let their emotional sides show, which is appealing to me. And the fact that they have to deal with a level of social misunderstanding and hostility that I will never understand, they seem more open-minded and accepting of people who don't fit what mainstream people see as normal or acceptable

Nora said...

Mitchell, bringing a girl to a gay bar doesn't mean a damn thing. But nice try!

Nora said...

Slippy and Ratherto, don't you guys think 'normal' is subjective? We'll find out Memorial Day weekend!